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Winter wonderland, East Lyme, CT

Many years ago, I decided I wanted to take some black and white photographs. I didn't know how to use a camera, and have the faintest idea why I suddenly wanted to make pictures. It must have had something to do with a child's desire to make art. I found my father's old Minolta SLR and mentioned my interest to my parents.

That Christmas, Santa brought me two rolls of Kodak black and white film. I loaded the camera and, without consulting the manual or my father, made an exposure. I was careful of my shots. Developing film to me was expensive, and I worried at the cost. I saved the film until spring, when I made a few more exposures, again without reading the manual or understanding basic camera operation.

It took me years to finish that first roll of film; I don't think I ever loaded the second. I held onto the film, not wanting to ask my parents to shoulder the cost of developing the roll, and then forgot about photography. It wasn't until some ten years or so later that I began again when a friend asked me to take some photos of Paris. It was during that week, my first solo trip overseas, that I began to become devoted to the craft of making images.

A few years later, after using a series of point-and-shoots, I found my father's Minolta and finished the roll I had started. Removing the roll, I decided it wasn't worth developing; the film was expired, and I doubted good images would be found on the negatives. I put the roll on a shelf and forgot about it.

This week I finally decided to develop it along with a bunch of other rolls I have shot since returning to New York. My friend at the lab looked at the roll in surprise. He told me it had been a long time since Kodak had made that film. I told him the story and he said we'd see what came out.

The shot above is the first exposure I made that Christmas day. I'm not surprised it's out of focus or poorly exposed. I was completely clueless. But it was then I unknowingly decided I wanted to be a photographer. It would be years before I recalled that decision and made good on it; I still feel I'm trying to live up to the dreams of my youth.

It seems apt that I'm discovering and posting the image now, on the eve of another Christmas, this one spent alone in New York. It'll be the first time I'll have spent Christmas in the city, and the first Christmas I'll have spent without the company of my parents, who are in Colorado with my brother and his family.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who visits this blog and site, and to thank anyone who has encouraged my photography through the years. It's been a long slow road as I weigh my different options and interests and meander between them. And even as I occasionally lose my way, I remain committed to making photographs. It's a way of seeing from which I can't imagine retreating. And I still have a lot to learn.

Finally, I'd like to wish everyone a happy holiday. I'm amazed that we've lived through the first decade of 2000. I'm excited for 2010; I have a lot of hopes and dreams for the new year and decade, and a lot of projects I'd like to explore. I wish everyone all the best and look forward to seeing you all in the new year!


Eugene

Comments (6)

beautiful image!! seriously. and beautiful post. i agree w what you write abt why you make photos! merry christmas!

Posted by jean on 24 Dec 2009, 10.59 AM

Nice story! Your photographs/posts are inspiring.

Posted by me on 24 Dec 2009, 12.54 PM

Love the chill I get from this image..

Posted by Ken on 25 Dec 2009, 7.58 PM

Thanks Jean, Merry Christmas to you too!

Me: Thanks! i realized later that it's the second time I've spent Christmas away from my parents. The first was in 2000, when I spent it in Bangkok.

Ken: I hope the chills are pleasant ones and not ones of horror! :p

Posted by eugene on 27 Dec 2009, 11.01 AM

Merry Christmas to you, Eugene.

This is a well told story. In my eyes it's very valuable to find again that first images that you took, before having even the faintest knowledge in which direction photography would lead you.

Posted by Markus on 27 Dec 2009, 5.44 PM

Thanks Markus. I feel really lucky that I managed to hold onto that roll of film and that some of the images actually came out. It's funny, though. I have strong memories of taking some of those early images (at least one of which I'll be posting soon), and it was amazing to see what the images looked like compared to what I remember in my mind's eye.

Posted by eugene on 27 Dec 2009, 9.20 PM

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Posted 24 Dec 2009   |   Photography + design © Eugene Kuo // 226.